Family and Partner Rituals

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day, which some people really enjoy participating in and others detest.  I have also heard it referred to as Single Awareness Day, a day that highlights the single-ness of unpartnered people.

Like it or not, society has many of these societal rituals.  One particularly salient one for me is tomorrow – the Chinese New Year, or the Lunar New Year.  My family and I usually get together around this time, eat a lot of food, and exchange ‘hong bao’, which are red envelopes of money.  It’s like Christmas except children get money instead of presents. 

Rituals are very important, particularly in families and partnerships, in creating and maintaining a shared identity.  In my work with families, sometimes I talk about ‘family rituals’, which are regular celebrations, routines, traditions, and quirky activities the family do together.  They are different from public holidays and celebrations or commemorations in that they are more personalised and meaningful for the people involved.  Sometimes they can tie into societal rituals, like going to the beach for Australia Day, but more often than not they are daily differences, like reading a book together in the evenings. 

Rituals help families and partners experience predictability and security, as well as create shared values and a positive sense of belonging that strengthen relationships.  They can also help us maintain a routine.  So if strengthening a relationship is something that you have in mind, consider the following:
​

• Scheduling regular fun activities that you and your family or partner enjoy.
• Think about how to make daily activities more personal, such as cooking breakfast together or singing in the car.
• Rather than a blanket approach in all relationships, think about what particular activity would be meaningful in a particular relationship.
• If rituals have changed and you can no longer do the activities you enjoyed in the past, or the needs of your family or partner have changed, find new ways of spending time together.
• Capture pictures and videos of fun events or write about them in a journal afterwards.  Make sure that if you are using your phone or a camera, that this does not detract from the joy and engagement in the moment.